my eternal flame

Stupid cliché!
Whipped up for big screens.
I love you, because you make me want
To be a better human being?
Ridiculous.
My pride couldn’t take it!

***

And then there was you.

***

Blunt. Ignited soul.
Made me believe
That we’re made of much more
Than just needs and desire.

I wouldn’t believe you
What could you know?
A sacrilegious hedonist,
Now holier than thou?

Judging me judging you.

A big city boy
With a big hippie beard.
Walking around with a big hippie head!

But then it is possible
You might have a clue
For you’ve always been true
To your big hippie heart.

***

You made me see,
That I am my own prisoner.
A perpetrator
Ambling about in victim’s clothing,

To fool my own dazed soul-
Oblivious of its powers.

I see now,
How being a free spirit
Means something different
Than being a mere creature.

We are evolution’s
Pièce de résistance.

That a pleasure seeker’s chase
Is only a red herring
If you’re doing it wrong.

Treating your body
Like someone else’s treat.

Like currency
To buy acceptance.

Like medication
To buy some time.

Like your own treacherous weapon
Against your decrepit self.

***

I got up. Dusted myself,
Learned the word “No”.

My actions are governed
By no one but myself.

This self that’s worth as much
As I want it to be.

This self that is mine,
To give and to keep.

Only when my spirit approves.

***

I unclenched my fist,
Let my baggage fall
All the way down till I could see it no more.

***

You gave me a sword.
And I hadn’t known
A more profound happiness,
Till after I’d used it
To stab my demon
In his fire-breathing heart.
To wake up my soul,
Asleep for years.
Trapped in a castle,
Overgrown with weeds.
Brought back to consciousness
With love’s first kiss.

***

I didn’t ask, but you gave.
Knowing full well, I have no means to repay.
Is this how gods are made?

***
********
***

I watch you this morning,
Lighting our cigarette
I flinch as I catch that look in your eye.
Your spirit reflected in the flickering flame,

Of that lighter.

That old one we’ve used
And used and used.

Fading but fighting.
The sacrificial fluid-
A suicide bomber,
Sparing no effort;

To trigger a spark,
To lighten your darkness.

Your earnest clicking against the weak city breeze.
The winner takes it all
In this drawn out round.
Your face – only vaguely familiar.
Bits of a king I used to know,
Whose light once shone as bright as the sun.

***

My newfound joy
Won’t last forever.
If only I could just
Return the favour.
But now there is nothing
I can do for you.

For gods will be gods
And mortals mere mortals.

-x-