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Have we met before?

Let’s say we haven’t.
Let’s do a little dance,
As you help me sell to you
Parts of myself that I’d like you to see.

Tell me I’m beautiful,
Say those words.
Make me want you
Despite myself.

Pull me close
And I’ll try to leave.
But your grip is firm,
My fingers in your palm.

I’ll twirl right back
Into your arms.
Sharing bodies and souls,
Never missing a beat.

Tell me my demons entice you;
That you’re under my spell.
Tell me you can’t leave
Even if you wanted to.

Tell me I’m special –
My breath intoxicating.

So special that I’m different –
My words, stimulating.

So different that I’m doomed.
To be alone.

Then don’t look back
When you walk out the door,
Shaking with emotion,
You never expected.

Rage. Hate. Pain. Love?

Promise yourself
You’ll never come back.
I’ll promise myself
I’m never taking you back.

I’ll spend my days
Shattering innocent objects;
Shouting as loud as I can
To drown out the voices.

Incredibly loud.
Excruciatingly unkind.
Told you so.
You had it coming.

I’ll make do,
I’ll live with this shame.

So here I am.
Healing.
The past behind me;
When you come by,

Smiling eyes asking,

Have we met before?

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judas

I trusted you.
***
They said I was young,
They said I was special.
Said I had promise,
Untapped potential.
You saw something else.
You saw the darkness.
The beasts and the serpents,
That lurked in my shadow.
I told you to leave,
I told you I couldn’t.
Disquiet and circumvention
Are all I have to give.
***
Petitions. Arguments. Evidence.
A vow.
Determined, you stayed.
Uncertain, I swayed.
***
Arms and voices,
Raised then broken.
We can fix this. We can fix this.
Bare feet among shards.
Drip, drop, drip, drop.
Tears here, blood there.
Hearts like glass.
Souls like rocks.
Love – a mystery,
An elaborate hoax.
***
I trusted you.
You betrayed me.
***
Betrayed, deceived,
Stripped bare my soul.
Lamb to the slaughter,
Hoodwinked and accused.
A monster, you said.
A coward, they said.
Voiceless and braindead,
I’m sorry, I said.
***

You are no Judas.
I betrayed me.